HOW TO GET READY FOR DIVORCE
The Six "P's" -- Proper Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance
1. Collect your tax returns, checking and savings account statements, mortgage papers, insurance policies, retirement or other investment papers, credit card and other billing statements, and other legally significant documents, and store them in a safe place, such as with a trusted friend or relative or in a safe deposit box that only you have access to. If you have a pre-nup, community property agreement, or separation agreement, BE SURE to give it to me immediately! If it's on paper, when in doubt, show it to me.
2. Get some pictures of you and the children having a good time together (such as at Disneyland), but ALSO get pictures of you and your kids doing things in their ordinary day-to-day life, showing you being a good care-taking parent.
3. I need some good, recent pictures of your wife and the children, their current heights, and information about Mom's car (especially the license plate number) and where she might go if she wants to hide, in case Mom kidnaps the kids and runs. Heights are important because when moms kidnap their kids and run, they often disguise boys as girls and vice versa.
4. Pack an emergency suitcase of clothes and other personal items, with cash, credit cards, and keys, and keep it in some place safe, away from the family home. Be sure you have keys to all the family cars, homes, etc. -- anything that locks.
5. Do NOT clean out the checking or savings accounts, or do anything else that might cause hardship to your wife or children. It is OK to take out 50% of the money, take your name off the account, and start your own account.
6. Cancel all credit cards for which you share payment responsibility and which your wife can use to charge purchases or cash advances.
7. Do NOT attempt to exclude your wife from the family home without a court order! Don't change the locks, or do anything else that might make you look like a bad guy -- especially if it involves your kids!
8. If you are holding one hand of your child, and your wife is holding the other, and your wife is pulling on the child's arm, YOU let go.
Always, always put the children first!
Do NOT talk to your children about the issues in the divorce. Make it clear to your kids that both Mommy and Daddy still love them, and the divorce is not their fault.
Get your kids some good, age-appropriate books, like "Dinosaurs Divorce," and a good counselor -- you should see one, too! (see the "get some help" page)
You can buy "Dinosaurs Divorce" for $7.99 at Amazon.com:
www.amazon.com/Dinosaurs-Divorce-Marc-Brown/dp/0316109967/
9. NEVER touch your wife in anger, threaten any sort of violence, or even raise your voice -- you can be arrested for domestic violence! Try not to touch her at all. Try to have a witness with you if you have to be in the same room as your wife. If you have to be alone with her, keep both of your hands in your pockets and sit down. It she hits you, do NOT hit back -- just leave. Don't bother calling the police; if you do, the probability is YOU will be the one arrested.
10. Be thinking about what the issues are going to be in your divorce, what you will need to prove, and how to prove it (documents, other exhibits, and witnesses). It's against the law to tape phone calls unless everyone involved consents, or to open mail that isn't addressed to you; don't do it!
Take the hard drive(s) out of the family computer(s) and give them to me for expert analysis; the expert will start by making two "forensic" copies of each hard drive, one for me and one for Mom's lawyer.
11. As in most fights, whoever starts a custody fight has the advantage. Get a lawyer and get started -- don't wait until you're served papers!
12. Don't lose the element of surprise! Tell as few people as possible that you are getting ready to divorce; don't tell your wife, and don't tell your kids!
13. You may be restrained away from your home without any notice. Be sure you have cash, credit cards, family photos, financial records, and other evidence stored in your safe place, not at your home.
14. A custody fight is expensive. Save money to build up your warchest, and don't be shy about asking your parents for a loan -- they want you to win custody, too!
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