FREE LEGAL ADVICE
I know most of you guys who read this won’t take my advice, but if even one child is rescued from a bad mom, and instead grows up with a good dad, the time it takes me to write this will be worth it.
Most men think “I can’t afford a lawyer,” but they’re wrong.
You would have to be very, very poor not to be able to afford one or two hours consultation with a lawyer; you can meet with me for two hours for only $500.
Here's my free legal advice:
Scrape a few hundred bucks together, find a good family law attorney, and lawyer up BEFORE you lose the Temporary Order hearing.
Why is temporary custody so important?
(1.) A custody fight is a fight for time. When you win temporary custody, you’ve won as much as a year or more of the fight.
(2.) When Mom wins temporary custody, permanent custody is now hers to lose; all she has to do is do a good job during the interlocutory period (the time before trial) and she will almost certainly win permanent custody at trial.
(3.) When Mom wins temporary custody of the child(ren), she has also wins temporary custody of the home and a big chunk of Dad’s paycheck.
Dad must pay her child support (even if she spends all of it on herself), and probably also maintenance (an allowance for Mom), and often also attorneys fees (an allowance for Mom’s lawyer).
If Dad works and Mom doesn’t, Dad will also be ordered to continue paying the family’s bills, including the mortgage on the house (that he is restrained away from) and the bill for the credit card that Mom can use to charge things – including cash advances – any time she wants to, which will usually be early and often.
Dad must also find a place to live and hopefully will have some money left over to buy a few luxuries for himself, like food.
Only a few dads will have enough money left over to hire a lawyer to do what’s necessary to get ready for trial; after losing the Temporary Order, most dads will have to represent themselves the rest of the way.
When I’m teaching other lawyers (at Continuing Legal Education programs) about how to win custody fights, I talk about what I call “Foreman’s Law.”
Foreman’s Law is: “he who wins the Temporary Order has won the whole thing.”
That’s because the TO loser usually can’t afford to do what it takes to come back and win at trial.
(4.) There are lots of other reasons why losing the Temporary Order is such a bad thing in a custody fight.
Here's just one example, If you’re the custodial parent, it’s easy to schedule an appointment in your home, with the child present, with a hired expert witness, who will then testify at trial about what a great parent you are.
If you’re living in your buddy’s spare bedroom, and have only a few hours of visitation a week, it’s a lot harder to create evidence like this.
I’ve urged the courts to give every fit parent enough quality parenting time during the interlocutory period that the trial judge will have meaningful evidence to evaluate both parents as single custodial parents . . . and many respected child psychologists, who are experts in how divorce impacts children, say the same thing . . . but it’s still true that many (if not most) temporary parenting plans, especially for young children, simply shut the non-custodial parent out of a meaningful opportunity to parent the child . . . and then the trial judge will only have evidence about the custodial parent. This is an issue you could write your state legislators about.
Bottom line:
If you have limited money for a lawyer, get the most bang for the buck by spending that money early, when it will do you the most good.
Don't wait to get a lawyer until after you have screwed up your case by losing the Temporary Order!
And here's a tip for you guys who live in small towns:
BEFORE your wife gets a lawyer, consult with every family law attorney in town.
Get them to write something down for you, in their own handwriting.
Even if they say the consultation's free, pay them something; say "donate it to your favorite charity." Pay by check, so you'll have no trouble later proving that the consultation took place.
Why?
Because then every good lawyer in town will be unable to represent your wife; that would be a conflict of interest, and a serious ethics violation.