16 WAYS TO WIN CUSTODY
Here in Washington, “the best interests of the child” is the ONLY decision criterion when a custody fight is biological parent versus other biological parent.
That’s why I always tell people to "stick like glue to the best interests of the child."
Far too many people talk mainly (or even only) about what they want and/or what a horrible person the other parent is, and they completely ignore what's best for the child.
Put yourself in the judge's position, and bring the judge the evidence he/she needs to decide what's best for the child(ren).
1. Read some books about parenting. The American Academy of Pediatrics website has a great collection of books for parents and the AAP website is your best source for parenting information: http://www.aap.org/parents.html.
2. Take some parenting classes; ask for schedules at area hospitals. Qualify in infant CPR if the child is a baby. Develop your parenting skills and accumulate tangible proof that this has been done. Be prepared to talk knowledgeably in court about how best to parent your child – in specifics, not vague generalities – show the judge you know more about how to be a good parent than Mom does. The judiciary especially like the Apple parenting classes. Ask at your local hospital, and download a comprehensive guide to parenting classes in the central Puget Sound area from: http://www.psasadler.org/calendar.pdf
3. NEVER miss a chance to spend time with the child(ren).
4. NEVER do anything that's bad for the child(ren) -- anything from allowing people to smoke cigarettes in the same room as them to kidnapping them.
5. If you smoke cigarettes, quit. If Mom smokes and you don’t, that all by itself can win custody for you. See Action on Smoking and Health’s excellent website, especially http://ash.org/custody-and-smoking.html. ASH will send you a really great collection of documents about why the non-smoking parent should win custody – everything from scientific studies to appellate briefs. (This used to be free; there is now a small charge.)
6. Don't behave badly towards the mother; the judges don't like fathers who do this. One so-called fathers rights group in Seattle used to coach their members about how to steal their ex-wives’ cars – how could they possibly think this would help the father win a custody fight?
7. Collect letters of reference re: your parenting skills from people who are in a position to know and who can illustrate their praise with concrete examples of actual events. (I have never lost a case when I got the mother’s mother on my client’s side; remind Grandma that her grandkids’ safety and well-being are at stake.)
8. Collect photographs showing you parenting your child(ren) – NOT just visiting Disneyland; I mean doing all the things good parents do, from fixing dinner to visiting the school to taking the child(ren) to the dentist.
9. Sign the child(ren) in and out of daycare, take them to the dentist, sign for their vaccinations at the doctor’s office, etc., and collect this written evidence of who did what (and who didn’t) for the child(ren).
10. Play the money card. Dad usually has more total household income than Mom, which translates into a better life for the children all sorts of ways, such as a house vs. an apartment, a bedroom for each child, a better/safer neighborhood, a better/safer school (get specific information from the principals at Dad's school and Mom's school and compare), better medical/dental care, etc. Bottom line: the child(ren) will have a better life if they live primarily with Dad.
11. Stability for the child(ren) during the difficult divorce period is very important to the judges. In most cases, Dad can afford to stay in the family home, but Mom can’t.. This is an important factor – with Dad, the child(ren) can stay in their home, in their school(s), with their friends and teams and clubs, etc., but with Mom they will have to move.
12. Are there any full or half-siblings? Courts like to place kids with their brothers and sisters when possible.
13. Can Dad offer the court a two-parent household, but Mom can't? That's an important factor. Dad’s new wife should also do the things on this list to be a better parent and to offer the court proof that she’s a good parent.
14. There are many websites put up by angry, bitter non-custodial fathers (and even some by their wacko attorneys) which give terrible advice, denouncing the courts, recommending dirty tricks, counseling dads to defy court orders, etc. Ignore these losers; they don't know how to win a custody fight, and following their advice is the best way I know to lose.
15. Trashing Mom? Don't do it -- UNLESS there really is something seriously wrong with her that DOES very seriously impact the best interests of the child(ren) AND you can prove it. An example of something that WILL help: Mom's gotten busted several times for DUI with the kids in the car. Example of something that WON'T help: Mom sleeps around. Always remember: the best interests of the child(ren) are the ONLY thing that matters.
16. Win custody the old-fashioned way – buy it. You’d be surprised how many moms will agree to father’s custody if the price is right. Before spending a fortune on a custody fight, offer the money to Mom instead. (The fact that you made this offer is not admissible in court. ER 408)